Of Canadian Dreamers, Shapeshifters and Avoiding Snowshovelling

Man, can I identify with Anvil. This week saw two writing projects come to naught--one was a simple rejection (but it would have been awesome had it come together!) and the other was something that was meant to be published, but when the book came out, my piece was somehow missing. The editor was dumbfounded, and offered to publish it in a year or so. With my luck, there will also be an offer to take me on a Eastern European tour, and I'll end up in Prague, doing a convention for unemployed newspaper columnists and still not get paid.

So I sat down and watched Anvil: The Story of Anvil this morning. Heartbreaking, but very Canadian. As Vulcan Ninja said, the tour Anvil goes on in the film made Spinal Tap look like the perfection of managerial orchestration. The lead singer of the band still believes his band is going to hit it big even when there is little justification for his faith, and seems to take the daily wounds without flinching (from working a dead end job to being slighted by more successful musicians at third rate rock fests). By the end of the film, I kept praying that something would go right for these poor bastards. The damning phrase 'Nice guys finish last' should be Anvil's tag line.

Anvil: The Story of Anvil is so much better than It Might Get Loud in terms of showing the true face of rock and roll--and it's a face that's tired, refusing to take its eyes off the horizon when the horizon is not getting one fucking millimeter closer.

Yesterday I also went to Grooves and picked up The Decemberists The Hazards of Love. I've been meaning to pick up a Decemberist album for awhile now, so of course I get the concept album. Yes, I typed that right: this is a concept album.

From what I can put together, it's about 19th century shapeshifters, love, murder, and more shapeshifters. It really shouldn't work, but it does. I like to compare it with Anvil--both different parts of the rock arena--but both equally ambitious. Apparently, there is even an animated film coming to accompany the album, which seems the best way to undertake and pile on more insanity. Vulcan Ninja put down her Slayer albums to give it a listen, and was 'taken', as she put it. Here's The Rake's Song, which can give you an idea of the feel of the album.

Right. Back to work on my version of Smell The Glove. It's gonna be big man, I tell you.

John Krasinski Should Be Captain America. There. I Said It.

I have spent way too long thinking about this today, but of all the actors up for the part, I think he's the best choice. I mean, outside of Jim Dandy. But since I know Hollywood can't afford him, Jim Halpert is their best bet.



I mean, how can it be worse than the Captain America movie above? Anyone see this besides me? A motorcycle helmet? I mean, what the fuck were we thinking back in the Seventies? We accepted that. And wasn't there another Captain America movie where the director didn't even use the uniform because he felt people would get bored by that? And because of budget constraints the big final car chase was reduced to a bicycle chase? I have to hunt that movie down. I need to know I didn't dream it.

The Reclamation of Evil: Doctor Doom in 2010

Jim Dandy and I were discussing Doctor Doom a few weeks ago, because that's the sort of thing that takes up a lot of space in our minds.In light of Latveria's number one skin cream user actually going out and performing vivisection on Asgardians (as seen in the current THOR run), he felt that it was time to shut him down, that he'd gone 'too far'.

After reading DOOMWAR #1, I'm hard pressed not to agree with him. Marvel Comics has been building up Doom in the past year to be one of the most hardass villains they have--and rightly so, because he should be the worst of the bunch. He's been a contender for the Sorcerer Supreme mantle after Dr. Strange did a no-no and lost the Eye of Agamotto and that killer Seventies curtain style cape, he's gone toe to toe with Thor, and now he's making yet another move to become the most powerful character on Earth.

But how far is too far? Outside of the grisly deaths he inflicts upon Asgardians, Doom cold heartedly murders innocents in DOOMWAR, and that usually isn't the sort of thing you get away with in the Marvel Universe when you're a character of Doom's caliber. Sure, Bullseye kills innocents on a weekly basis, but that's part of his character. Like the Joker, he's a mad dog with no real power beyond his own capacity for violence. He murders without thought, with the focus being cast on the heroes who do not take the necessary steps to save future lives. Doom, on the other hand, is a bloody government. He's a major player in the Marvel Universe, someone who can address the U.N, someone every one on the planet knows. He's not someone that heroes can readily ignore the way they can an assassin or run of the mill super powered douchebag.

(And yes, other major villains do kill, but it's usually people who had it coming, as it were, such as the thugs the Kingpin usually deals with, or various lackeys who seemingly exist to be whacked to show what double-crossing your villain boss will get you. The murder spree Doom is on in unprecedented in my near 42 years of reading Marvel Comics.)

I'm just curious as to what Marvel's long term planning is with Doom for this year. He's now become so dark that it calls for either a resolution of the character (an invasion of Latveria? Ha! Like that would work) or a new acclimatization that this is the new, acceptable level of evil for mainstream villains in the Marvel Universe.

And oh, right. DOOMWAR is a decent read, btw. Doom's plan is one that seems like he should have thought of it before, and the spotlight on Black Panther and Wakanda makes a refreshing break from all the Norman Osborn spotlight hogging going on in North America. I mean, enough of that guy already.

Reload

It's been the sort of week where it feels like I should be standing on top of a pile of bullet shells, with two smoking guns in my hand, wondering when the next attack will occur.

This week has gifted me with the horror of seeing a loved one hooked up to an oxygen mask, tubes and a ECG. I've felt my heart stop when I watched her colour fade from her face as she lay unconscious after surgery. I've seen both the glory of our health system and the havoc a simple mistake by a doctor can generate. It's been a week that has confirmed the truths I have in my life, both for good and ill. I've seen how wonderful people can be, and how selfish. I've seen enough, and now I want to just go back to being a geek, being a writer, and worrying about useless shit.

Although with all that's happened, there was a moment of break out laughter, when an old friend, commenting on everything that had occurred, said that at least I was now closer to fulfilling my dream of being married to this woman.

Well, I suppose.

Damn But I'm Enjoying This

About a third of the way through, and if you're like me, I think you'll enjoy it. An exciting read for people who worry about multiple game saves.

Gotta Enjoy The Little Things

The world is watching a game of which I have no clear knowledge. I can honestly not name the teams in the Super Bowl, and don't even have the energy to say anything sarcastic about that. I know that hangovers will be sitting at the bedside of a large percentage of North Americans tomorrow morning. Perhaps the hangovers can all carpool, save on travel costs.

Finally saw Zombieland.


Thanks to Kevin and Brian for insisting that I see this. On their say-so, I went and bought the damned thing. I've watched it three times since Friday. It speaks to me, man. As the director says on the commentary, it's great to see people laughing at words. It's a very funny movie, but definitely aimed at a certain aspect of society. The dark, the twisted, and those who appreciate the beauty of a good shotgun vs. zombie set piece. It's a work of art for those who hate minivans. No, wait, fucking minivans.

Also played Munchkin with Vanessa and David. They are such wonderful people. Even when Vanessa told me to 'Fuck you and your face', I knew she meant in a kind way. It was nice afternoon untouched by work-related guilt, worry, or the Five Impossible Things I have to do in the next three months. An oasis of card based escape.

Now what? The week looms ahead, getting out of its minivan, ready to regale me with tales of the Superbowl, The Bachelor,, or how excited they are that John Mayer is coming to London squeee!

Sigh.

Continuity Isn't Dead, It's Just ...No, It's Dead

It used to be that comics continuity was something geeks liked to niggle over, scanning comics and storylines for little inconsistencies that the editors and writers had missed. Like how Spider-Man may lose his glove fighting Doc Ock at the end of Amazing Spider-Man #423 but would magically have it back on the front page of the next issue. Stuff like that. Marvel used to issue No-Prizes to readers who could magically explain away those inconsistencies, and I'm sure there would be stern phonecalls from editors to lackeys to make sure things like that didn't happen again.

That was a more golden time, when there were huge honking sideburns on men, polyester plaid pants were an acceptable fashion choice, and rare creatures called editors slouched across the earth. And an ever more mythical creature, the Editor In Chief, would sit like an all knowing spider atop the comic company web, ensuring that the grand picture of a comics universe gelled together as well as was humanly possible. That there was continuity. This was done with telephone calls to writers and artists, and performing this lost, arcane art called keeping open lines of communication.

But that was then. Now, in an age of cellphones, Twitter, emails, Blackberrys and psychic monkeys on every shoulder, continuity among comic creators is impossible. Which brings us to Batman and Robin #7.

First of all, let me say that it's a great comic. It's fun. It's fast. It has cool ideas, and it's an exciting read with a great feeling of motion between panels.

But it makes no fucking sense.

You see, after reluctantly reading Final Crisis, I was under the impression that Batman was both dead (we saw Superman hold his skeleton) and also alive, stuck back in Dinosaur Time drawing logos on a cave wall. Schrodinger's Batman. Okay. The skeleton was apparently buried, only to be ripped from the ground by the evil Whatshisface in Blackest Night, who carried around Batman's skull like a paperweight he was just looking for the Necronomicon to use.

But this comic says that skull really wasn't Batman's. And that skeleton wasn't him, either. Well, to be fair, it doesn't say that at all. It just ignores it. Apparently, Batman's skeleton was kept where Robin could get at it--not in a coffin, but stuck up in a niche in a wall. Because that's where you would put the skeleton of a loved one. On the wall.

This is where the old continuity nerd in me explodes. Batman and Robin #7 doesn't even try to fit in with the larger DC Universe--this is what Grant Morrison says happened, and so it is. All that other stuff, all that continuity? Whatever. In this age of instant communication, one can only assume that no editors are left upon the planet. The call of the editor has faded from this world. Evolution has let continuity evolve over its natural predator/caretaker, Editorialis GetItRightitus, to become its own continuity in and of itself.

So now, every DC Comic, apparently, is just a portal into an alternate version of the DCU. Each monthly book is its own world, has its own set of laws, its own Bat-skull. Question it, and you're a forum troll. Expect better, and you're over thirty.

So I guess my Batman story exists in the Morrisonverse. Until it doesn't. Which may have already happened. Or not. There are no blue pencil lines anywhere to let me know.

No Girls Allowed

If you ever feel the need to rile up a perfectly polite forum about board games, then post this picture--or variant thereof--on the site.



I found this on BoardGamesGeek. This is a very informative and enjoyable website, with very polite forums filled with --gasp!--helpful people. If you're thinking of buying a board game, then this should be the first place you check out.

But the above photo started a fire. The idea is that many of the members of the site like to post pictures of themselves playing their favorite games. Most of them are people sitting around a table, doing things like wearing hospital masks while playing Pandemic. I spent far too long yesterday reading the forum posts this picture generated. Many--like myself--found it light and amusing. Many others were offended, and were very vocal in their outrage. "I don't come here to find pictures like that!' was the general theme.

So I asked Vulcan Ninja what she thought. Was the picture offensive? She looked at it, laughed, and said "Not at all". Of those being offended, she said that in the geek community, you're always going to have those people who are uncomfortable with sexuality, even something as frivolous as this. She wasn't being judgmental--she said she knows some people see gaming as their refuge, and don't like having that world threatened in any way.

On the other hand, I think it's great that the Geek Community is no longer just a Boy's Club--and I think that some of the strong reaction is tied into that shaking of the status quo. Go back to the Eighties, and I couldn't name a single girl who read comics or played Dungeons and Dragons. Now, I play Dungeons and Dragons with an all-female group, I just borrowed two years of The Walking Dead from my friend Lisa, and I co-edit a Doctor Who website with another female friend. To see women getting into geek material--be it comics, anime, or even card games--is something to celebrate, not pillory just because someone decided to have some fun.

And besides, she's cute. Not many of us guys are. For that alone, we should cheer.