When Geeks Get Grumpy

It's hot, I'm old, I've had four hours sleep, and my wife is watching CASTLE so I can't play any damn video games. So the internet is going to feel my rage.

Hodgepodge of hate on deck!

1. PEOPLE WHO SEE BOOKS AND READING AS SOMETHING THEY MEAN TO DO, BUT ARE TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW

Please, fuck off. I do not want you to look at the magazine or book I have in my hand and see that as an excuse to tell me how you don't have time to read anymore because you have to take your kids to soccer practice, piano lessons or the abortion clinic and/or are just too damn tired to read when all your Important Work in your life is done. Funny how you seem to all have time to watch every NFL game that's aired or to drink a 24 every weekend. Weird.

2. PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE HOW AWESOME DOGS ARE

I saw a woman today trudge her way out of her apartment with a small poodle in tow. She walked down the small laneway to the sidewalk, a space of about forty feet. She then turned onto the sidewalk, walked six steps down, then stopped.

"Okay, that's enough. Back inside." And she turned back towards the apartment, her bare feet slapping on the cement. The dog looked wistfully around herself, then trotted back towards the apartment.

"Really?" I said, surprised I said it out loud. "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?" I said even louder.

She didn't turn around. Which is probably a good thing, because I don't think what I would have said would have helped the world inch closer towards universal peace and understanding.

3. I'M NOT YOUR GEEK FRIEND

I have two people in my ever diminishing circle of friends who have made the mistake of saying that I'm their 'geek friend'. Not that I'm geeky, which I don't mind, even if Doctor Laura called me that. No, I'm their 'geek friend' when they want to talk about geek things, or want to know what is going on in the geek world.


Again, fuck off. It's like saying, 'Oh, this is my handjob girlfriend,' or 'This is the guy I call when I want to get my car fixed for free." It illustrates the size of their ego, and of how I exist simply to fulfill a specific need for them. I often imagine these people have calendars beside their phones, with each day of the week being assigned to a certain 'adjective' friend, with a notebook alongside to make helpful notes. These conversations will consist of said friend asking three or four questions regarding the person's particular interest, then the friend will then take over the conversation and talk about him or herself for twenty five minutes.

I have experienced this once too fucking often.

And of course, there's always....oh, wait, CASTLE's over.