I Hear Voices

Having joined the future and purchased my first Ipod, I have been whoring over podcasts ever since.

I'm of the last generation that can remember when radio was good, when it had actual personalities instead of watered down, commercially safe personas (The Perky DJ! The Curmudgeonly Right Wing Host Who Thinks It's All Gone To Hell Cause We Have No Morals Anymore And Weren't Raised In The Country! The Bland Morning DJ Who Says The Same Thing Each Morning!). I spent many a childhood night listening to my green leatherbound AM radio while the house slept around me, trying to feel less afraid because somewhere someone else was awake, talking about the latest Supertramp album and sipping his coffee. As the years have gone by, the aim of radio stations seems to be to provide a banal background noise, as inoffensive and free of sharp edges as it is welcoming to cautious advertisers, especially those who think cutting edge humour is to make references to sit-coms that have been off the air for ten years.

At their best, podcasts embody the spirit of radio far more than the commercial aspect of it does today. The part I enjoy the most about podcasts is the simple display of actual conversation. This is something that is impossible to maintain on commercial radio, with the constant demon of having to hit ads at the precise minute the advertisers paid for them, which leads to abrupt endings to discussions more often that not, breaking a flow which is never able to be recaptured again, if it was ever there at all.It's jarring to listen to, because that's not how people talk--unless you're the target market, which means you have ADD and probably wouldn't remember what the topic was anyway.

Here, then, are some of the podcasts I've been enjoying. Most are gaming and comic centric, because that's how I roll. All of these can be found on the lowering beast we call iTunes. All of these podcasts do what radio doesn't: they provide good company and interesting conversation. Oh, and much laughter.

In no specific order...

1. Alpha Holes Podcast--This was introduced to me by Crazylegs, for which I thank and curse him. These are gamers with a fondness for World Of Warcraft, which isn't the best thing for a recovering WoW addict to listen to. But there's a woman called Christy who is worth the price of the free download all on her own.

2. Awesomed By Comics--Boyfriend/Girlfriend talk comics, and they have the good taste to like everything I do.

3. War Rocket Ajax--More comics podcasts, with arcane discussions of books that only the truly funnybook addicted remember. Like this.

4. Four Guys One Up--Rising from the ashes of Listen Up, host David Ellis brings the love of video games each week. At least I hope he does. He's only done the one so far, but he's been a podcast staple for so long, I'm sure he'll do fine.

5. A Life Less Wasted--Occasional podcast that looks at gaming culture with well written, well produced documentaries on all things dorkish.

6. TalkRadar--Loud, often amateurish, but like a rambunctious kid who insists the kitchen table is the perfect place to stage his air guitar show, you can't help but admire the spirit and energy.

7. Idle Thumbs--Composed of older gaming professionals, this one was a gem, and is sadly down to its final two shows. Damn it all.

8. Gamers With Jobs--Similar to Idle Thumbs, but has the distinction of still being around. Older guys talking games who enjoy each other's company, and it translates into the show.

There are others I haven't got around to listening to yet--namely IFanboy--but there's enough here to keep you going for at least a week.

So what do you listen to? Outside of Mousecast, you Disney freaks, you.

What Middle Aged Comic Book Readers Buy

Bought comics today. I decided to pick up the following:

Ms. Marvel #45


Spider-Woman #2


and Power Girl #6



It wasn't until I had them home that I noticed a certain unifying thread. And suddenly the fear arose. The fear of what my wife would say at this week's purchases. At a 44 year old man walking into a comic book store, in full view of passerby and Google Earth, purchasing these. Yes, they are all well written books by authors whose work I've followed for some time, but when you buy them all in one week, it can look a little damning.

Yes, I love Alex Maleev's art, especially on Daredevil, and looked forward to his moody, dark work in Spider-Woman--in a book that features a beautiful woman. I've been enjoying Brian Reed's crazy work on Ms. Marvel, and the art has veered from paintings to great pastel work--featuring a beautiful woman. And Power Girl has been a surprise, with Palmiotti and Gray making Kara a believable character for the first time in my comic book reading memory, with Amanda Connor's artwork being both funny, inventive, and just damn good comic book--in a story that features a beautiful woman.

It can look a little damning from a middle aged perspective, though.

But when Vulcan Ninja saw the books, she just went 'Oooh! Spider-Woman is in! Good!"

Did you know 'tactful' is Vulcan Ninja's middle name? It's on her birth certificate and everything.

Rolling Dem Virtual Bones

I've just hit the first casino in Dragon Quest V, and like every time I come across a gambling area in a video game, I feel myself conflicted with conflicty feelings.

For the record, I am an rabid anti-gambler. I abhor casinos, and despise the Live For The Next Draw mentality of far too many people. (I know people who spend each Wednesday telling themselves that tonight's the night they're going to win the Big One, as if by sheer force of will the correct balls will fall in Toronto to allow their dreams to come true. And every Thursday, they tend to be quiet--but then there's always Saturday!) I feel physically sick when I hear friends stretch back and casually say how much money they lost in Vegas, or at online poker. And I hate the fact that governments whore up gambling to the point where it seems a wholesome way to spend an evening, while not addressing the horrors gambling inflicts on those who can afford it least.

So when I come across casinos in games like Dragon Quest,Pokemon, and even in Super Mario Brothers there is that conflicty I mentioned earlier. It makes me think that these games should also include whorehouses as well, and maybe throw in a few bars. If I'm going to lose my hardwon gold to the slots, surely there must be someplace I can go and forget my sorrows afterwards? Why one and not the other?

I therefore have a tendency to avoid these areas, but then that can be problematic. In Dragon Quest, for example, you can get some high level loot if you go on the sort of winning streak every Atlantic City dreamer moons about. Gambling in these glittering palaces is part of the game that I'm playing.The money I lose isn't real, I won't have to sell my kidneys and I won't wake up in a dumpster. But yet--but yet --I still feel a little cheap and morally wayward for spending my virtual gold and not getting anything in return.

In Dragon Quest, the gambling can take two forms. You can play the slots, with the expected result. If that doesn't scratch your itch, you can go to a bookie and bet on monster fights all in the same casino. Pokemon offers the slots as well, and in Super Mario Brothers (for the DS), you can play a version of poker with Luigi. (Who, to give him credit, seems sad when you lose.)

What's odd, though, is I have no trouble robbing banks or picking up loose women in Grand Theft Auto. So I guess we all have our own level of gaming immorality, things that make us look at the real world from the safe confines of our virtual one.

So what's yours?

I Don't Want To Know: A Gaming Memoir By Alphonse Dulac

This weekend, I retired to my study with a glass of claret and one of the many learned journals to which I bear subscription. So as I sipped from my crystal goblet, I perused the latest issue of Nintendo Power, and came across a word that stopped my eyes in their perambulations across the page. It was then, solely on the magic of two words, that I fell into reverie:

Slow RPG

The article in question was concernced with that Professor Layton frippery that magically will appear on your DS if you say the correct incantations. It is on the list I keep on original Egyptian papyrus entitled Games I Probably Should Play But Would Rather Surf Neo-Gaf Instead. These magic words also were connected to another game, which would embody this...this...slow rpg...in a much more involved way.

I had no true idea what a slow rpg was, and no real definition was on hand. Which was fine with me. The simple idea of it was enough. Even trying to describe what I thought it might be seemed doomed to failure, a pulling back of the curtain to reveal a wizened gnome peeing into a chamberpot, a sight I did not at that time wish to see.

So I just let the concept roll around in my head, thinking I would indeedlove it. The servant girl entered the room then, and read over my shoulder, since she is impertinent and has not learned either her place or my ways.

"Oh, a slow RPG," she said, in her uncouth East London accent. " A bit like Animal Crossing, it says there."

"Haven't you stableboys to service?" I snapped, closing the journal.

She left my chambers, but not before saying, "I don't think I'd like that. I'll stick with my Zelda."

I was aghast at her lack of manners, but she was gone before I could hurl my slipper towards her.

And so I have been lost in an absinthe dream without the liver damage or seeing of spots, simply wondering what glorious game magic will arise from those two, mysterious words. Slow, and RPG. And wondering when that blasted servant girl will wear that racy skirt I bought her, revealing as it does an entire half inch of her ankle.

Stupid Movies

Overheard at Chapters, Saturday afternoon. Two women walking around the bookshelves, their voices quavery with Starbuck's rocket fuel jiggling in their veins:

"Oh, that movie. Did you see that movie? That was stupid."
"Which one?"
"That one. It didn't end. It was one of those movies that didn't end."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Apparently there was like one before it? I didn't see it. And so I didn't know what was going on in this one. And it didn't end."
"Wow."
"Yeah, and there was like another one after it. But when I saw it, I couldn't remember what happened in the other one before it, the one that I saw. It was stupid."
"Yeah. Some movies are stupid."

They move on. Blogger, who has been staring resolutely at the bookshelf before him, turns to see what they were looking at.

It's the photo picture book of The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers.

See Mom? I'm Not A Total Failure

My I-thought-it-was-just-a-short-story coasted past 22,000 words tonight. Considering I've only had less than two hours sleep, I think this counts as an achievement.

Of course, by the time I finish it, all the trees will be cut down and fiction will be as fashionable as bloomers and clear headed thinking. But it's mine, and I think it's not half bad.

At the very least, I can burn it to keep warm. If there any trees left, that is.

I Just Can't Look Away From X-Force

After reading any issue of X-Force, I look like this:



The book really should come with a blood squib that just explodes when you open the front cover. It is the death metal version of the X-Men, the one I like to think that if the X-Men had never caught on, this would be the book some up and coming writer would do out of ironic love for a failed franchise. Maybe it is. Maybe this slipped over from another dimension where the X-Men are that dimension's version of the Defenders, a team that never really caught on except with sad souls who had to collect each and every Marvel comic in lieu of buying Kiss records.

Every issue always leaves me feeling a little bit dirty, in need of a good wash with holy water. It is also one of my favourite reads each month, only because there is the undeniable feeling that someone high up at Marvel hasn't actually read the book, and when they do, it will be canceled and replaced with this:



There's going to be big push for X-Force with their own version of zombie heroes called Necrosha, which only promises to make this book even more eww-inducing, and hopefully just as addictive.

Enjoy it while you can. When someone at Disney gets around to this, phones will be ringing.

Creepy Memories of Delaware Twilight

Growing up in the Big D, cable was only something the city slickers had. We had to get by with only four channels: Channel 10, Channel 13, Global and TVO. TVO was my favourite, since it showed Doctor Who, and of course, this. This intro just reminds me of tobogganing until the sun set at Twin Streams Golf Course, then coming home to unthaw watching this while dinner was being made.

Sniff. This cough medicine is making me all sad and nostalgic for lost twilight television programming.