It's Monday, I'm Tired, And I Like This

I'm just going to leave this here.

Comic Of The Week--Guardians of The Galaxy #12

It was tough to call this this week. CONAN THE CIMMERIAN #9 was extremely solid, and Dan Slott has finally found his feet in MIGHTY AVENGERS #23, but I had to give the Golden Mylar Bag to this book.

I've made no secret of my admiration for the work of Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, and I'm overjoyed that it seems the two of them are more or less in charge of all Marvel Cosmic these days. They are charting perhaps the best space opera we've seen in comics since the early Seventies, both in this title, in NOVA, and in the new mini-series WAR OF KINGS.

What's been cool in GUARDIANS is that even while giving us the expected formulae for a team book--that of Team Forms, Team Faces Unbeatable Adversary, Team Succeeds, Team Breaks Up, Abnett and Lanning have made it seem fresh through strong characterization and the follow through of consequences. Tell a lie? It will come back and bite you in the ass. Bring back someone from the dead? Oh, there will be a cost.

Part of my love for this is that I had my mind warped by the likes of Jim Starlin back when I was only seven, and the entire Marvel Cosmic thing has always intrigued me ever since. I just remember having my mind blown by what I read back then--Thanos, Mar-Vell, the Kree-Skrull War--it still gives me chills today.

And Abnett and Lanning still give me those chills with this issue. Especially with the last page, which really needed a screaming guitar for full effect, but sadly, Marvel didn't include that with shipping.

Rebuilding What Was Lost

About twenty years ago, I had to sell some comics in order to keep buying silly stuff like food. Back then--as now-the only books dealers were interested in were X-MEN. So I sold my entire X-MEN collection, the collection I had spent my teenage years accumulating, reading and re-reading--for sixty bucks. I have regretted it ever since.

Today I decided to rebuild that collection. So I decided I buy one old X-book per paycheque.

So I went to a local comic book store this afternoon. The place was packed with Warhammer players, since the owner goes game crazy on Saturdays. He sets up two tables in the middle of the store, and the gamer geeks just...geek out. They had their photocopied pages of rule sets, they had new rather impressive looking models of tanks, they had people eating fast food by the cash register. As I passed by on my way to the back issue bins, I saw an excited woman showing off one of the gaming sets to her mom, who looked baffled and like she wanted to just run out of the front door. Still, these are my people. No, they are.

I went through the X-books, and decided to buy UNCANNY X-MEN #168. That's the issue with Kitty on the cover, looking cornered, looking pissed, looking awesome, drawn by the superb Paul Smith. Five bucks. Afterwards, I sat in the car and just stared at it. I was in Grade 12 when I first got this issue--in the mail, since I had a subscription at the time. And I remembered what a crush I had on Kitty, and....felt old. Like time had passed, and far too much of it.

The paper is newsprint, for one thing. Vulcan Ninja was shocked at that. We opened up a new comic I had just bought, and the colour is so bright compared to what we had back in the Eighties. We laughed at the ads--one for Dungeons and Dragons (Live The Adventure!). Another ad was for a video game called REACTOR, which I'm sure enthralled me back then, even though it looks like something you'd pay for free on Flash, and still feel ripped off. There was also an ad for a magazine called Blip--



--which didn't much to alleviate the feeling of being absolutely fucking ancient.

Yes, I am old. But an old comic made me smile more than much has in the last few months. And that, my friends, is what we call GOOD.

Workplace Advice

1. If someone asks your opinion, lie and tell them what they want to hear. Generally when someone asks you this, they simply want their choices to be justified.

2. Pretend to be interested in pregnancies.

3. When asked if you are reading anything interesting, reply that you don't have time to read.

4. When asked what music you enjoy, say 'Whatever.'

5. When asked to socialize after work agree to go, but then don't. When asked why you never showed up, say 'Some family stuff happened', then look away, as if distraught.

6. Buy coffee for co-workers once every three months. Buy 'Large' cups so they won't bitch behind your back about how cheap you are. This then guilts them out to do the same. In theory, if not in practice.

7. Pretend you have a giant invisible wolf beside you at all times that is loyal only to you. This is surprisingly comforting.

8. Remember that this is not your real life. That happens the second you come home, step through the door and see your wife, your children, or your real giant wolf.

A Simple Request For Marital Harmony

So like many people married for over twenty years, sometimes Vulcan Ninja and I hit a rough patch. And that's when we do what we always do--we sit down at the kitchen table, open a bottle of Jack, put two Glocks with a full clip each precisely ten feet from the table, and discuss what is on our respective minds.

This week, I said things would be much better between us if Vulcan Ninja would simply start dressing like this:



"Sure," she said. "But then I'd have to undress myself, wouldn't I?"

I took a drink from the Jack, then spat it onto the floor, since I really hate the stuff.

"It's all about conservation of energy," she said. "Do the physics."

Geek Corner Notes for Thursday, March 19, 2009

As most of you know--or have failed to try to forget--I do a dinky little radio spot on CJBK-AM every Thursday. The show is called Geek Corner, and I talk for a few minutes each week on 'geek' culture: comics, vidja games, conventions, and/or chat about how awesome Emma Peel looks in leather. It was suggested that I post links to some of the things I talk about, and so I will.



Yesterday we talked about EVE Online and a recent power shift in the game between two of the major player corporations. A full look at what the fuck happened can be found here.



The second segment discussed the very entertaining Dungeons and Dragons podcasts being produced by Wizards of the Coast. Putting together the comic geniuses from Penny Arcade, PVP, and that guy who used to play Wesley Crusher makes for very entertaining geek fodder. They are up to Episode Five right now. I enjoy the podcasts very muchly.

Here is the link.



Finally, we do a Free Game each week. This week was the Free Trial for Puzzle Quest: Galactrix. Vulcan Ninja adores this game series, and has informed me that my life will improve in various ways if I buy this game for her.

And that's it! You are now fully noted!

Peering Through The Mists of Time

I can see the future. Haven't I mentioned that? It's why I've shown so little ambition in my life, because I know how it all ends, and really, there's no point.



In three years time, Megatron will return and turn Earth into a wasteland ruled by the Decepticons. So why join a gym? Megatron is just going to blow it to shit with his laser cannon. Better to just sleep in, really.

So what else has my future sight shown me? Well, I won't give everything away, because I hate spoilers. But here's a few things to look out for.



Now that Steven Page has left the Barenaked Ladies because he feels he doesn't get enough credit (*cough*), enjoy the countdown before he arrives on CBC Radio, doing something very similar to what Randy Bachman is doing, except without the knowledge, grace, and sheer enjoyment factor. If not there, he'll glom his way onto CBC television, hosting a show about Canadian music that no one will watch but will look good on the CBC's resume when they beg for more federal money. The guests on the show will have to participate in skits and/or 'impromptu' jam sessions. And pretend to like Steven Page. Or he'll host a cooking show for busy moms, taking over from Steven And Chris when a blue haired woman from Moncton writes in to complain that 'those two boys seem a bit fruity to me.' The future is a little unclear here. Thankfully.



The next U2 album, No Line on The Horizon, will debut to the usual yapping praise from critics, but will sell to only those anal completists who have to have everything the band has ever recorded because War was the first album they ever bought back when they were 14, still virgins, and still had dreams, man,: those who still labour under the belief U2 is cutting edge and listening to them will get them laid, or people who buy it by mistake, thinking they've picked up The Best of UB40 instead.

And finally?



After his apparent penitence and promise to 'do better' on The Daily Show last Thursday--especially saying he would eschew the bullshit act he pulls on his show, Mad Money-- Jim Cramer will possibly go on air next week and declare he isn't changing anything for anyone, and he'll continue to do his show HIS WAY, after making sure that the doors are locked and Jon Stewart is not within a ten block radius. This will be seen as a victory for toadying business journalists worldwide, and Cramer will achieve sainthood, curing bad hedge fund debt with the touch of his shiny bald head.

Call me Uatu.

We've All Been There

Awesome. I admire anyone who can swipe from M.I.A. and still write a song that speaks to me. You know, as a person?

The WATCHMEN Review The World Has Been Waiting For

Everywhere I go on the webby nets, there are exhaustive reviews on WATCHMEN by pathetic comic book nerds like myself. I'll keep mine short.

I liked it. A lot. If you read this blog on a regular basis, you'll probably like it, too.

I didn't mind the ending. The same point that was made in the graphic novel was made in the film.

The cast is very good--especially Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach.

There. This particular comic book nerd has spoken. Well, figuratively.

I've Finally Found My Dream Girl

So I'm leaving Vulcan Ninja after finally finding my real, true, pinch-me-is-this-a dream girl. Sure, VN is into RPGs, comics, science fiction, martial arts, Lego, ruling the world with an iron fist and making death rays, but there was always something missing, y'know?

"Fine," she said. "Someone else can listen to you go on about the fucking Micronauts."


Oh, if you know the ending to Watchmen, click here. If you don't--or don't want to know how things have changed for the movie, then in the name of that is holy, DON'T.

It Was Early Morning Yesterday, I Was Up Before The Dawn

I'm usually up reading, having a coffee before the sun rises, most mornings. For the past week I've been reading Caitlin R. Kiernan's Murder of Angels, which is really the best sort of pre-dawn book to read. Slow, creeping unease delivered with imagination and beautiful writing. It sets the tone for bitter cold days.

So, head full of weirdness, I go out into the world, feeling the blast of outer space, seeing the stars shine through apparently no atmospheric protection, a bone deep cold that can only precede the arrival of some tentacular monstrosity with a bad Scrabble board name. Dreams narrow at this point: now, a Tim Horton's coffee is the only grail worth achieving. That, and getting into the damned car and putting on the heater.

Now, the cold lingers.I feel it sit and gnaw on my elbows and knees, residing there. The lines to the grave growing slightly more taut. The slow reel in. If something hurtling from the stars, dreaming of vengeance and domination doesn't kill you, this patient progression, this tightening clench, will get you in the end.

Out of the car, grail in hand, now garish red with the chance for even more rewards. Walking across ice fields, the crunch of matter shifted water, gloved fingers tightening on that which must not be lost. The alchemical concoction that is a Large, With Cream.

Morning has broken.

The Magic That Was SOUND EXPLOSION!

Jim Dandy was discussing the first album he ever bought, and I was shocked to hear that it did not come from the K-Tel Barracks of Awesome Seventies Toonage. I was even more floored that he had not heard of the magic that was Sound Explosion, surely one of the finest albums to grace the record racks in 1973.

This was the first album I ever bought,and oddly, it was also the first album Vulcan Ninja ever bought as well. (Which is why we married. Twas fate!) I played this thing over and over on a cheap plastic record player, burning such songs as Painted Ladies into my head, along with Smoking In The Boys Room. And it even had a Barry White song on it!

I was under the impression that if you of an age in 1973 to want the music you heard played on CKSL, this was your only option.

God bless K-Tel. They brought us so much joy, and only asked we keep buying their crap.