The Wilhelm Scream

I pride myself on few things, but being an obsessive Star Wars fan is one of them. Okay, maybe 'pride' is the wrong word. Perhaps 'moodily accept' is more accurate. But I did not know this.

Believe me, it's changed my world.

My Life's Work

As opposed to the solved extraterrestial mysteries out there...

When Geek Wives Burn Out

So I called Vulcan Ninja on Wednesday while she was at work.

"Are you going to be near downtown today?"

"I could be."

"Would you mind picking up Spider-Man for me?"

Pause.

"Why don't you do it Friday? It'll give you something to look forward to."

"Okay. Sure."

"No, it's okay, I'll do it. But didn't Spider-Man just come out last week?" A tone of fatigue has now entered her voice.

My wife has never understood why anyone would buy more than one book of any character. If you like Batman, you either pick up Batman or Detective. Buying more than that, in her mind, is just being an idiot. Imagine the fun we had when I was buying three X-Men books a month!

Back to the conversation. Here I am, trying to explain. Speaking faster, feeling slightly embarrassed, for some reason.

"No, it's that it's coming out three times a month now."

" What, like Webbies of Spider-Man, Really Cool Spider-Man?"

She's getting into it now. She knows this is a wound. Once upon a time, I tried to explain that there were subtle narrative differences between Amazing Spider-Man and Spectacular Spider-Man. Her eyebrow arched, and has never really come down.

"No, they're all just called Amazing Spider-Man now, and--"

"So which one is this? Spider-Man Fucks Off?"

Then she bursts into laughter.

I didn't reply, because how could I?

She still picked it up, though, so I guess the marriage is still slightly viable.

How I Spent My Day Off

Stumbled onto couch. Read Teen Titans #55. Was impressed by Sean McKeever's script, even if I find it hard to accept any character called 'Kid Devil'. Also read Blue Beetle #23--still one of the best reads out there. Almost as good as AMS. Almost.

Since I've been told I need to just game for an entire day instead of falling into heroin/whore addiction to escape the crushing pressures of my life, I played World of Warcraft for five long hours. Ran through a dungeon with easily the most polite band yet (no swearing, players being courteous to each other--was I really playing Warcraft?). Then Vulcan Ninja made a wonderful dinner, and I was given Alistair Reynold's Revelation Space along with a glass of red wine.

Geekdom, I feel, was achieved this day.

It Came From Below...Well, Korea, Really

The Host surprised me. About fifteen minutes in, I was beginning to write the film off : the characters seemed buffoonish, stereotypical, and a bit like they'd wandered out of a sit-com. Perhaps this was considered side splitting to some, but my patience was starting to wear thin. If I was supposed to relate to this hulking idiot and his subservient father as they worked their snack bar alongside the Han River, it was becoming increasingly clear that I wouldn't. Enter the idiot's perfect little daughter (of course she's perfect!) and I let out a sigh of loss--my loss of time having watched the film this far, loss at the money I'd spent to see it.

Then as the idiot takes some cooked shrimp to a customer sitting on the lawn near the river (because the idiot had eaten one of the customer's previous shrimp legs, and the father had to make it up to the customer, this lesson passing the idiot son by), someone sees something hanging off a nearby bridge.

Then things go very, very horribly wrong. And suddenly all that pretence of goofiness that went before was revealed as the misdirection that it was. I sat up straighter on the couch. Here we go, I smiled.

Like Cloverfield, The Host is a monster movie that focuses on how this would affect 'normal' people, instead of the usual approach of barking generals and worried scientists. As the dysfunctional family (the idiot, the father, another alcoholic son and a slightly self destructive daughter)try to regain what they've lost, the film kept surprising me with unexpected moments of heartbreaking sadness. Of scenes where the simplest mistake can carry such horrendous consequences. And of how in any disaster, the moments of true heroism are the ones no one sees.

Even now, three days on, certain scenes keep replaying in my head. I can now see why this film made so many top ten lists, both in North America and abroad. I just pray that no one tries to remake it for American audiences...or did J.J. Abrams already do that?

Hitting The Jackpot

Before we begin, let's see what a real mascot for a restaurant should look like.

Awesome. So now let's talk about Spider-Man.



Despite my bile towards what led up to Brand New Day, I have picked up a few issues of the now almost weekly Amazing Spider-Man to see what was left after that particular editorial nuclear blast. And to my horror, I have to say I've...cough...enjoyed what I've read. As others have pointed out, the fact that half decent writers are now on the book may have a lot to do with this enjoyment. It may also be that Spider-Man's costume design has finally shaken off the slimy excrement/big eyed goofiness of the Todd McFarlane redesign of aeons ago, harkening back to the classic Romita look that I've always preferred.

Of course, there are miles to go (and quality to maintain, deadlines to meet, and editor in chiefs to learn to keep their fucking hands off) before we can sit back and sigh with relief that Spider-Man is once again something we can rely on. But let's take a gander at Amazing Spider-Man #549 and relish what we can.

--So now we have a villain who may be the Grey Goblin, who chops off people's heads just to steal their warehouse. Okay, I'm down with that. Are there so many bad guys in this new continuity that they're killing each other for real estate? And the cops don't notice? Wouldn't realtors have made a killing? Hey! Maybe the new Goblin is a realtor! He's slimy enough...

--I must still be suffering from brain damage from watching Transformers, since I didn't connect the hero Jackpot with being the new Mary Jane. Oooh, now I get it. Jackpot. Hitting the. Classic Spidey line. So, hitting the Jackpot now takes on a whole new....damn. They make the same joke here in the comic. Bastards.

Still, MJ as a superhero? I won't argue with her in spandex, or with the above choice of angle, but...Mary Jane as a superhero?

Nice shout out to Astro City with the Crackerjack reference, BTW. And her costume is the same colour scheme as well! And I've just shown why women won't talk to me at parties! Awesome me!

-Having worked for Sun Media, the new 'DB' angle with the Bugle is oh so true. Except to be more honest, the new DB should have an edict not to use words with more than three syllables, run at least two shots each issue of young women in slightly erotic poses so male readers have something to take with them to the bathroom, and dumb down the comics page with such brain cell killers at Mutts. Oh, did I vent?

So, to sum up: hate the road to get here, but don't mind this new promised land. And what do you think?

Yo -Yo Ninja!

It's funny--you just don't seem to get as many movies these days about undercover teenage girls who fight with yo-yos. So when I saw this, I was overjoyed. About time!

Sadly, even though Yo-Yo Girl Cop has a few moments of awesomeness, it doesn't shine as much as a good yo-yo ninja fighter movie should.

The biggest problem here is the script. Instead of just focusing on Saki(Aya Matsuura) as the titular hero, kicking ass with her yo-yo, the film uses teen suicide as it's core. This is a bit like using a gimmick of a tap dancing panda to discuss genocide. It doesn't fit, and seems inappropriate. As well, in the beginning of the film, Saki is apparently unstoppable as a fighter, so tough that she pops her shoulder out of its socket to escape a strait jacket, pops it back in, then proceeds to kick the living hell out of attacking policemen. But later? Gets clocked left and right by almost everyone she meets. If an old lady walked by and told her to 'hush!', she'd probably faint.

By film's end, though, we do get a battle between Saki and an evil yo-yo wielding hottie. It brings the awesomeness. But it really feels like too little, too late.

But it's not a bad movie, despite a rather patchy script. Director Kenta Fukasaku has made a very eye catching film, with some very beautiful shots. Aya Matsuura brings a fierce intensity to her role, saying so much with a glare and a narrowing of her eyes that any dialogue would ruin it. The look of Tokyo is very stylized, and has that techno fantasy look that is the modern Japan for many viewers around the world.

So all in all, Yo-Yo Girl Cop is worth a look. It is by no means 'action packed', but it still much better than Transformers. And it has yo-yos with spikes. And again--who knows when we'll get another yo-yo fight movie?