You know who you are. It's time someone had a word with you. And that someone, buster, is me.
Stop apologizing for Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull.
It's okay not to like it. Yes, Raiders was awesome. I saw it opening night when I was fourteen. There was next to no one in the theatre, because who knew what the hell this Raiders thing was, anyway? It had Han Solo in it, that's all I knew. Maybe it was about pirates, because don't pirates raid? These were my thoughts that fateful Friday night, lo those many aeons ago.
The film--which to my mind--was about this nerdy professor who really loved archeology. So much so that he reluctantly ended up having to leave his cluttered office and ended up in crumbling temples and fighting bald Nazis in Egypt. He had the living crap beaten out of him, too. And thrown through a windshield of a truck. And his girlfriend? Totally hit him the face with a mirror. But in the end, he survived, even if he got screwed over by the government, but at least knew that the Ark of the Covenant wasn't in Hitler's hands. Now Professor Jones could go back to his office and read Archeology Today. Maybe have a coffee. Take it easy.
See? A nicely rounded story. A nice formula--most of us nerds could relate to Indy's bookish ways, and a reluctant hero is always more likable than one who goes out looking for the action.
But that formula was taken out back and shot in the following two films. Now, Indiana Jones was a HERO. He always got into impossible situations, and he always got out. He had contacts all over the world, people who would die for him because of other impossible situations that they'd been in together. Indy took on gangsters. Indy let children drive pell-mell through crowded city streets. Indy was bigger than life. There was no longer any sense of danger to his character, because we now knew there wasn't anything that could stop him. He had been, to put it bluntly, been Roger Moored.
That was Temple of Doom. But after parents fainted in the streets and children wet their beds after the violence of Temple, Lucas and Co. laid Indy low for a few years. When they finally did bring back Our Hero, they decided to play it safe, going for yuks and bringing back those lovable blunderpusses, the Nazis. Oh, and another Christian related treasure wouldn't hurt, either.
Still, where Temple was bleak, Last Crusade was just blah. So far, we are now one for three. Not a great record.
So for those of you who feel like they're somehow being unfaithful to their hero by saying Crystal Skull isn't a good film, get over it. And I'm not being cruel here--I am the biggest Star Wars mark you'll ever meet, and boy, did I ever try and justify The Phantom Menace. I'm not proud of the things I said. Upon reflection, it was like being punched in the nuts and then saying, "Well, at least I'll appreciate not being in pain once the agony subsides."
And please don't wrap your faint praise by saying, "Well, I always loved the pulps, and Indiana Jones is very pulpy."
Stop right there.
The pulps were written by hungry men and women who were paid next to nothing, whose adventures were bought by people doing their best to escape the world around them. They were adored because many of them were far better than they should have been, and even the ones that were downright horrible, few of them could be accused of being lifeless.
The Indiana Jones film series (which I insist began with Temple of Doom. Let's keep Raiders separate, shall we?)was created by multi-millionaires with an eye on the merchandising.
See the difference?
3 comments:
You nailed it, as usual, KD. But it's pretty much *always* about Time and Place, isn't it? I, too, saw Raiders when it opened - with pretty much the opposite of fanfare. To this day I recall the sleepy Saturday afternoon I spent with 2 friends (and almost nobody else) in the old Park theater. A few hours later we were waiting for a Dundas East bus wishing to god that we had our very own bullwhips. That was the magic - palpable fanboy fantasies emanating from a void of expectations.
What followed were movie 'events' built on the cynicism of mega-bucks and a misguided hope that lightening would strike twice. What we got, of course, what 2 hours of shrieking damsel-in-distress followed by 2 hours of bumbling. Roger Moore? I like that metaphor.
So I agree - it's okay not to like Crystal Skull. I'll see it anyways and I'll like it on some level. All the while those dim feelings will be there, waiting for the Dundas East.
It's probably easier for people like me: I liked Star Wars well enough when I saw it in the theatre, but had no desire at all to go out and see it again anytime soon. I enjoyed Raiders of the Lost Ark more, but only as pure escapism since it was clearly not a great movie (just a greatly entertaining one).
By the same token, the most recent 3 Star Wars episodes have been greatly entertaining. I actually like them at least as much as the "first" three, not the least of which because the acting is about the same (not good) and the dialogue is about the same (totally unbelievable) while the special effects are way better now. [Shrugs.]
As long as the new Indy movie is entertaining, it'll have earned its $10 from me! Anything beyond that, as always, is pure bonus.
CL: Raiders played at the Park? I remember seeing it at the Century that fateful Friday night. I would have loved to see it at the Park. That theatre was the best for action films. It even made Young Sherlock Holmes good.
KM--I respect your opinions, sir, for I know you to be a man of learning and deep thought. But aren't all great movies entertaining on some level? CL nailed it--Raiders hit it and was great. The others just seemed like someone trying to put the genie back in the bottle.
As for the latest round of SW prequels, I thought they got better with each film, but I'm sure they're not as near and dear to me because I saw them as a man in his mid thirties, and not as a 12 year old boy with a crush on Carrie Fisher.
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