The House on Haunted Hill

People may think I'm insane, and that's fine. But I live in a haunted house. Things happen here.

When we first moved in, the first manifestation was lights coming on by themselves. We have two potlights above the fireplace that always seemed to flick themselves on after we left the room. We'd go up to bed, the house in darkness, then flick, we'd see light coming up the stairwell. It became so bad we actually taped the light switch down. That worked. But only that.

And sometimes we see things. Cher saw a man standing at the top of the stairs a few weeks ago, and I've seen glimpses of someone standing in the kitchen late at night. The smell of cigarette smoke drifts into the living room most nights around eleven. But for the most part, that's it. This is our home, and we just try to make peace with whatever else is sharing the house with us. (Our house was built back in the Thirties, and while it isn't ancient in European standards, it's still up there. I love thinking about this old thing being here during the Depression, the Second World War, and the first moon landing. Lives have been lived here, and we're just the latest ones to seek shelter beneath its roof.)

But whatever is here, it also has a sense of humour. Cher bought a cool pair of pants and was taken with them, all black with tons of zippers. Then they disappeared. We tore through every shelf in the house, emptying cupboards and closets. No sign of them. Then a month later, they appeared, rolled in a ball, in the bedroom closet. There was no way we would have missed them. But there they were.

Then I bought my own Green Lantern ring. I adored it. Cher adored it. She put it on a bookshelf, and then it disappeared. Again, we tore through the house. No sign of it anywhere. That was a week ago.

And today? I found it buried in my desk drawer.

Very funny, house.

Temporary Freedom

Off for four glorious days. Will work on novel (THE DEVIL WORE LINUX--okay, it's a working title), will write columns for Free Press, will cut back roses on side of house, do same to spyrea, will debate next tactic in war with squirrels (but not anything that will actually hurt them, which limits my offensive capabilities), will finish reading DMZ (great comic about a war zone New York) and JPOD. And will play video games.

Speaking of which--I am now Level Four in Forza Motorsport. My Acura rocks the house. I owned the New York short race. Just owned it.

I'm stuck at the first castle in the third world of New Super Mario Brothers.. It's hell. I cannot get past the level where you have a timed ascent up a bunch of screens to fight Bowser--I make it to the very, very last platform just as time runs out, and down poor Mario falls, past all the Koopas wandering on the screens, to start again.

Just like real life. Collective sigh here.

52 In Victoria Park

Had lunch in Victoria Park today, watching some guy trying to break his ankles as he skateboarded. I mean, dude: just ride the damn thing. Don't try to hop and down, flip the board six times in the air, then land doing a handstand. Just fucking ride.

Thought about last week's 52. About how Booster is now really up La Creek Du Shit, with the Elongated Man having outed him as a complete fake to the media--and not just the media, but Lois Lane. Guess what she's going to be talking about at dinner with Clark that night?

LOIS: Oh, pass the green peas, dear. Oh, how was your day? Sorry for not asking.
CLARK: Still powerless. I couldn't even rip the last piece of toilet paper off the roll this morning. Fucksakes.
LOIS: Oh well...hey, did I tell you about Booster. Total fake. Totally setting up crimes for him to prevent, using future time tech. I always thought he was a bastard.
CLARK: At least he can still fly.

Then I thought about the introduction of Lesbian Batwoman Kathy Kane, who we see as Montoya goes to interview her about the warehouse where she found the alien tech--and the alien monsters who tried to kill her. Turns out the Kanes own everything in Gotham that the Waynes don't--which I'm assuming isn't much, since everyone knows the Waynes were as corrupt as hell and what they didn't own, they could pretend to. Turns out Kane and Montoya were once lovers, and it's not hard to see it was just Kane being a bad girl with someone from the wrong side of the tracks: meaning, not white and not rich.

When Kane punches Montoya for being fresh, Montoya comments on the punch. So you know that means Kane is really Batwoman.

Then I ended my Victoria Park perusal by wondering what will happen to our heroes still out in space. There, Adam Strange gives Animal Man and Starfire shit for sitting on their asses all day eating Lazy Fruit. He reminds them that all hell is about to break loose, so why not lay off the yummies and do something? Strange doesn't add 'Fucksake!" but you know he wants to. So off Starfire goes, finding an energy source on this planet--but also finding one of the Forever People! I mean, it's the FOREVER PEOPLE! And I think that should mean something, but I haven't the foggiest what.

Then I finished my lunch, and went back to work.

It's Comics, Kids!

Digging through last Wednesday's pile, loving every minute of it.

Robin #151--There's been a lot of hoopla, hair pulling and screaming over the characterization of Cassandra Cain--nee Batgirl--in this title. People are threatening to drop the title. I think even pitchforks are being raised outside DC Comics' New York office. But me? I love it. This was easily the most exciting Robin comic I've read in years. A great fight between Robin and Cassandra, the promise of even more trained assassins to come, and next issue? Captain Boomerang Jr--the son of the man who killed Tim Drake's father. Just great, great comic reading. Happy geek boy, me.

Avengers #20-- Again, more Internet screaming over this title--but namely because of a perceived drop in quality. I have to admit, New Avengers has been very hit and miss for me--but I grew up reading the Avengers, so I kind of like to have the title in the house. I like Bendis' scripts, and I admire that he plans to stay onboard for 200 issues, but this book has really suffered some very bad art. This issue is a prime example. Deodato's pencils just look very, very rushed--and when this is your flagship title, that ain't great business sense.

Still, Bendis does provide a very entertaining story, as the Avengers battle to stop the resurrection of Magneto. What makes this great was the dialogue between the team as all hell erupts around them--about five million mutant corpses pulling themselves out of the ground ('Shush. I'm concentrating on the smell' says Luke Cage). And I particularly liked this exchange:

IRON MAN: We have to time this right. I have a plan, but it's a one shot deal.
SPIDER-MAN: Yay. I love a one shot deal.
LUKE CAGE: Wait. Why are we assuming this is bad?
SPIDER-MAN: Well, there's the whole thousands of mutant controlled energy fields inside a mystery man in a place where millions of mutants died. Sounds bad.
LUKE CAGE: When you put it that way...

Very nice.

Add to this George Bush advocating just nuking the island, killing the Avengers in the process (or being a 'sacrifice', as the President puts it), and you have a great story. Just too bad the art was so murky and well, crap.

Bloody Beckham

Even though I enjoy my passionate hobby of despising Beckham, I have to admit: that was a beautiful goal. I did enjoy seeing Posh apparently not paying attention, though, and only reacting when everyone else around her did.

So England goes through, only to be wiped from the pitch by Portugal. I'm from the future. I know these things.

Bums, Bang Bangs, and Old School Comics

Well, I am.

Wednesday was a dark yet oddly light day for comic readers. It seemed everything came in, which is good, but it also beat the living shit out of everyone's wallet. So, tons of good comics, but sheesh! Can't they space them out?

Quick mini-reviews of what I've read thus far:

Ultimates 2 #11--
This book continues to be the best summer movie you ever read. Even though I find the Ultimate Captain America to be an asshole, there is something lovely about seeing him running about with a machine gun, asking the Wasp to bring as many bullets as she can carry. And this story ended on yet another cliffhanger, with an appearance by another Ultimate hero who we haven't seen since Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk. (Hint: it ain't Wolverine.) A great issue, but now it'll be another four month wait until the next issue. Insert deep sigh here.

Star Wars Legacy #1

Did you know you can now divide your Star Wars eras into nice little packages? We have the Sith era, for example, where we find books like Tales of the Jedi and video games like Knights of the Old Republic. We have the Republic era, which is when the Jedi were as ubiquitous as Burger Kings. There's the Rebellion era, which was...oh, come on, figure it out. Then there was the New Jedi Order, when Luke tried to become Yoda, and now....Legacy! Cool!

Legacy takes place waaay in the future, presumably when Luke, Han, and Leia are dead. This comic takes place 140 years after the first Star Wars film, and it's funny how little has changed. The evil Sith begin by wiping out most of the Jedi--again--leaving young Cade Skywalker to try and avenge his father, but only manages to get his ship blown up in the process. We have the Sith abandoning this whole 'Rule of 2' nonsense, and having veritable truckloads of Sith now. We have a nice guy Emperor, who gets himself blown away (or does he?) by said Sith. And we have a new masked, ailing Dark Lord--Darth Krayt.

I found this to be pretty familiar at first--almost too much so. There are some nice twists at the end that made me forgive the first issue set up problems. I think the character of Cade has potential, since he apparently becomes a badass, and is the farthest thing from his whining ancestor, Luke. In fact, Cade has more in common with Anakin or Han Solo than with Puke Slytalker. I like how much design work has gone into this book, from new TIE ships to incorporating the Yuuzhan Vong and their take on architecture. So while not a stellar beginning, it does seem to have legs.

It's a good time to be a Star Wars comics fan.

Also went into the vaults today and dug up an old issue of Invisibles--Issue 16, to be precise. I've been meaning to start re-reading all the books here, since I hate getting into the habit of buying/reading/storing/forgetting. This issue reminded me of what a brainfuck Invisibles was back in 1995--this issue dealt with crack cocaine that resonated on a psychic level, allowing rich corporate playboys to take over the dead bodies of crack addicts, so they could go out and rape and kill with impunity. It ended with the main villian being eaten alive, stretched out on a board room table, screaming for someone to shoot him. And this book is eleven years old.. Grant Morrison is the man.

Oh, also watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang last night. Highly recommended if you enjoy funny, dark movies. Robert Downey Jr. is superb, and even Val Kilmer--who I can't stand--wasn't bad. This movie came and went very fast, and deserved more attention. Not for everyone, but if you like what I write, then you will love this movie. So go! Rent!

Lovecraft Would Have Been Proud

After my disappointment with the rather by-the-numbers Cybermen stories, I was overjoyed to find myself watching The Impossible Planet. This was absolutely superb--a classic Doctor Who story that was actually scary. With nods to H.P. Lovecraft--well, copious nods--to shout outs to Philip K. Dick (who also wrote a story called The Impossible Planet), this cements the second season of Who as another classic run. The Doctor comes up against the ultimate adversary, one that he was supposed to have met waaay back in 1977 with the proposed film Doctor Who Meets Scratchman.
I won't blow it for you, even if the next episode is called The Satan Pit.

But what sells it isn't the monsters, or the creepiness, or the very good special effects. It's the relationship between the Doctor and Rose. The scene where everything looks dark and they simply hold one another for comfort, the Doctor looking over Rose's shoulder at the horror above them--was just beautiful.

Superb. A very long round of applause here.

When Favourites Collide

One of my favourite bands. My all time favourite hero and inspiration--in collision!
Enjoy.

Coffin Full Of Heads

Yes, comic reviews. I'm terribly behind, but here are some books I managed to spend time with this week.

JONAH HEX #8--This is a straight ahead Western comic. No superpowered freaks (I was going to buy Marvel's TWO GUN KID this week, until I opened the book and saw dear old Two Gun riding a space motorcycle with She-Hulk sitting behind him--I then quietly put the book back on the shelf), no monsters, no dimensional rifts. Nope. None of that. This is just a story about disfigured Jonah Hex, a bounty hunter making his lonely way in Southern Nevada in 1868. Oh, and dragging a coffin full of severed heads of collected bounties. Which is kinda cool. This is a good single issue story that is in the vein of Unforgiven and Deadwood--and I very much enjoyed it. Love these single issue stories as well.

ULTIMATE X-MEN #68-69--Yeah, like I said, I'm a little behind. I adore Kirkman on Walking Dead, but haven't really fallen as heavy for his work on this book and over in Marvel Team-Up. But then I realized that Kirkman's strength lies in his building characters--and why I love Dead is because I've spent 27 issues learning and loving those selfsame characters. (Well, most of 'em.) But I'm starting to come round to his work on the X-Men. His take on the whole Phoenix saga is very interesting, as are the odd dynamics of the team: Kitty Pryde is hot and heavy with Spider-Man, Colossus and Northstar are an item, Nightcrawler has troubles with Colossus being gay, and best of all--Jean Grey has to make Scott romp with her in the sack. Which just goes to show that even in the Ultimate universe, Cyclops is a moron.

52--WEEK 6-Damn, but there a lot of plot threads floating around in this book. This week, we ignore most of them, and are introduced to even more. First?

Booster Gold, Time Fucker:-- horrified that the past he went to the future to crib so he could come back and be a hero (stopping robberies and the like because he knows exactly when they go off) is not turning out as it should, Booster has taken to hiring cheap actors to pose as villians for him to fight, allowing him leverage in his negotiations with advertising agencies. I'm not sure if I like this more mercenary Booster, because even if he was a bit of a schill, he was never this bad. Or was he? Did Beetle maybe balance him out? I'm sure that's what they want us to think. Booster, convinced that Time is all messed up, finally tracks down Rip Hunter, and learns that it's all his own fault. Well, of course it is. Messing with Time like that, you're just asking for it.

Onto the next plot thread: The two Green Lanterns--Hal Jordan and John Stewart--get into with the Great Ten, China's own version of the Justice League--while pursuing Evil Star, a villian who flys around in a giant yellow star. Besides being a douchebag, he also trades in alien weapons, which is a no-no with the Lanterns. So we get to see new Chinese heroes like 'Immortal Man In Darkness' and 'August General In Iron' and another heroine who seems about to give birth. Pure weird Grant Morrison shit. Which then ties into another ongoing thread---

Black Adam, Bad Ass: Adam shows up above China, telling the Lanterns that they'd best piss off, because he's putting together a coaltion of countries to keep the U.S. of A out of their affairs, and it's only a matter of time before China signs on as well. The Rocket Reds also show up. Yay crap heroes! There's a bit of a pissing match between Adam and the Lanterns, and it looks like war between the forces of Black Adam and American heroes is as inevitable as a mini-series detailing said war.

I dig Black Adam. He's the best part of 52 so far, at least until we see Power Girl in the shower.

Last plot thread?

Disappearing Scientists: T.O. Morrow, the genius behind bars for being rather immoral as well as being really smart, talks with the creator of the Metal Men about how all the top scientists are disappearing. (We did see Dr. Silvana get kidnapped, leaving the caterpiller Mr. Mind to begin to pupate. WTF? Love those Shazam shout-outs.) We then tie back into the China super heroes, who have apparently placed a camera in Morrow's cell, which is being monitored by another mysterious character we don't see, who seems to be the brains behind the Chinese heroes. I hope it's Mr. Mxylptllytk.

So, this issue, what plot threads were MIA?

1. Ralph Dibney's wife possible resurrection and Superman cult
2. The Question and Rene Montoya
3. Starfire, Animal Man and Adam Strange in space

And I think that's it. I hope, because that's enough.

CIVIL WAR #2--Fairly decent issue, although it feels like if you're not reading every single tie in, you're not getting the whole story. Well, too bad. The art was very fine, even if the story was a bit light. And as for Spider-Man revealing his identity--I don't buy it. It flies against who Parker is, and most importantly, his responsibility to his family. I'm sure there's a reset button coming up, considering that Spider-Man is shown with both teams in this struggle (one in his classic suit, the other in that crap red and gold monstrosity), so maybe that's a clue. Or just an irritant. But let me say: this won't stay. Trust this old man.

This Has Been In My Head All Day

I've been singing it since I got up this morning. So, enjoy.

Just thought I'd share.

Zombie Eyes

I woke up this morning with completely bloodshot eyes. It was so cool--it was like I had gone Sith overnight. Have no idea why they did that, or why it took until nearly ten for the red to fade away. Maybe my moral compass took that long to realign itself with the Nicey-Nice Side of the Force.

I have not seen any World Cup games today, since TSN and Sportsnet have decided in their broadcasting wisdom to not show them until nearly midnight. Am satisfying my need for footie by reading the chilling Among The Thugs by Bill Bruford--it's his story of moving among British soccer hooligans back in the Eighties. It's a very good read. Recommended if you want to see just how easy it is become an animal.

Managed to snatch the DS from Lady Snowblood tonight. Played a bit of Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow . I died fighting some jerkweed who could float and had two swords the size of minivans. If I'd had my Sith eyes still going, the bastard wouldn't have stood a chance.

The Importance of Paying Attention

See, the schedule was in a download format that it would take time for me to unlock, so I ended up not doing it. Which is why it came as a surprise this morning to hear that I'm back on the 'Inkblog' column a day ride. They needed a column by three this afternoon. Since writing 'FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!' probably wouldn't go over too well, I had no choice but to tell my sad DS story.

So we have the new DS Lite. Me like. As I turned it on, I got that feeling I always get when I see new cool tech: that feeling of 'Here's the future again. I especially liked how it asked me for my birthday as I did the initial set up. Awww. It might send me a card!

Cher had it most of the night, so I didn't get the time I had hoped for. (When your wife is gorgeous, a gamer, and a blue belt in American kenpo, one tends to let her get her way). I did spend a few minutes with New Super Mario Bros and it was happy gaming goodness. The animation was just that much more fluid, the platforming was fun, and it does the soul a world of good just to hear that lovely music. Tried out the Pictotalk, but there was no one around in any of the chatrooms. Still, the sound is great, the picture is great, and for the first time in my life, I got to see a woman blow on a gaming console to make a dinosaur float.

Life's rich pageant.

World Cup Musings

Okay, two days in. Here are my thoughts, which would not be seen as expert football criticism by anyone with any sports sense:

Germany vs.Costa Rica--I was rooting for Costa Rica, and very much enjoyed the 'Oh, shit!' look worn by most German players in the early going. Sure, the Germans got their three points, but Costa Rica made them mess their shorts. I love seeing arrogance suddenly finding itself terrified.

England vs. Paraguay--I'm glad to hear Natasha of BBC Radio 6 agrees with me: England kinda won. The fact that it was a Paraguay player who simply fucked up and handed England three points does take the lustre off any victory party. It's a bit like finding a thousand dollars as opposed to earning it. Sure, you're ahead, but you're still wondering if you can actually be that lucky again. From my seat, Paraguay outplayed England, especially in the last few minutes. I love to bash Beckham, but sadly, I can't. He was fine. As for the Mexican referee with about six pounds of hair gel--his bias was so clear he really should have had a T-shirt made: I HATE THOSE DAMNED ENGLISH PIGDOGS! At first, I just thought he was calling his own game: any physical infraction got the whistle, he wanted to run a clean game. But it became comedy as the game progressed. And I loved how he went to shake Beckham's hand afterwards. "Hello, Mr. Posh Spice, I just did my best to fuck you over, but I'm a big fan." For England, Christmas came early.

Ivory Coast vs. Argentina--Didn't see this one. No surprise there with the score, but the internet posts I've read said Ivory Coast had the stuff. May try to catch it tomorrow.

Sweden vs. Trinidad and Tobago--The best match of the World Cup so far. The easy analysis would say that Sweden slept through this one, but I thought they played very hard--but so did Trinidad. The gameplay was as intense as any match I've ever seen. You can't say that Trinidad's goalkeeper was the sole reason they stayed in the game, since everyone gave everything they had. And poor Sweden. They looked just shocked. I feel bad for all those blonde, gorgeous Swedish women in the stands, and wanted to hug them all, and not just for simply lecherous reasons. I highly doubt Trinidad will make it to the second round, but for a first time World Cup appearance? Astounding. And Sweden? This would be a good time to maybe rent The Thirteenth Warrior and remember what it is to be Vikings. Blonde and gorgeous Swedish women can only take so much dissapointment before they start taking up with thin Canadian bloggers. You've been warned.

Diana's Back, and DC Has My Money

I said I wasn't going to, but I did. I picked up Wonder Woman #1..

DC has just relaunched this title after winding down the previous run, which ran--what? Over two hundred issues? This time, they're bringing Alan Heinberg on as writer (Young Avengers, The O.C.), with Terry Dodson as artist. For those who don't know, Terry specializes in drawing busty, gorgeous, just damn perfect women. Which makes him perfect for drawing Diana. Which also made me saying 'No!' to this title impossible.

It's a good, fun and beautiful read. As I thought about it today, I also noticed just how clever it was--how Heinberg really played with the concept of identity. In this new relauch, Diana Prince isn't Wonder Woman--Donna Troy is. And she's not wearing the outfit that launched far too many adolescent fantasies--she's wearing the more Greek armoured costume favoured by Hippolyta. So right off the bat, we have someone being someone she isn't wearing the costume of someone else who was also considered a substitute. When Donna meets up with a monster, she assumes it's the Cheetah--and it isn't. She then apparently fights Wonder Woman herself--but doesn't. And she tries to rescue Steve Trevor--who has his own surprise. And by story's end, we have the appearance of Diana at last--and she's assuming a role we know doesn't fit.

Oh, and Terry Dodson draws great cleavage. There's that, too.

Walking Dead #28

...is out today. Run, don't walk, to get it.

I felt physically sick after reading this issue, and can't wait for the next one.

Fucksakes!

Every Day Is Like Sunday

When I was in Southend, I stayed in the hotel where the video for that Morrissey song-- 'Every Day Is Like Sunday--'was shot. It was sweet--the hotel owner had taken photos of the shoot and hung them on the stairwell. When I was there, the photos were all curling up behind the glass, fading from the sunlight. Which made it even all the more sad. Morrissey would have approved.

Up fairly early this morning. Took the birds in with me--my two budgies Miho and Mara--so they could harangue me in the living room as I read. Caught up with some old Star Wars comics, finishing the last issue of Empire before moving onto Rebellion. I still say these are among the best Star Wars comics I've ever seen, even if they lack some of the drama I remember from David Michilenie's run back in the Eighties. (I'm sure nothing will ever approach the utter coolness of the Tarkin saga, but then, I'll never be fourteen again, either).

The rest of the day? Groceries. Huzzah. Anyone addicted to Animal Crossing knows Sundays in June are the Fishing Tourney, so I may have to return to that. That rat bastard tourney judge keeps dissing me anytime I bring him a small time bass, so I may have to just satisfy myself by planting Pitfalls around Cheri again....

Lipstick Lesbian

I'm writing about the new Batwoman tomorrow in that eensy-teensy Inkblog, and I'm wondering if the Free Press are going to allow me to use the phrase 'lipstick lesbian'. Because that's what the new Batwoman is, y'know. I read it in the New York Times, and they never lie.

For what it's worth, I'm happy with the idea behind the new Batwoman. So now DC can rest easy. Twist likes it. DC, I think, are finally beginning to realize their fan base are lonely, middle aged old men who love the idea of gorgeous crime fighting lesbians (Batwoman)and busty goddesses like Power Girl. (The recent Power Girl bust of her bust was a stroke of marketing genius. They'll never go broke now.)

Picked up a whack of books this week. They include

--All four issues of 52.
--Ultimate Fantastic Four #30
--Ultimate Extinction #5
--Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic #5
--Transformers: Infiltration #5--so sue me. I like giant robots!
--Runaways #16

Geek reviews to follow. You have been warned.