Drilled!

Honestly.

My back tooth felt like barbed wire stuck in my gums, so I went to the dentist. Which I hear is what you're supposed to do. Turns out I had a cavity behind a cavity, with part of my tooth actually broken off. So three hundred dollars and much metal drilling in my mouth later, I came out the dentist's with a brand new filling and a mouth that felt like a Goodyear Tire.

Note to world: no one should have to have dental surgery alone. I think a beautiful woman should hold your hand the entire time, then give you a decent, forty second hug afterwards. You shouldn't stumble out into a rainy parking lot, then sit in your car for five minutes watching the smoke drift from between your teeth.

Came home, feeling the way you do after having a drill in your mouth. Looked into my backyard. Saw a duck sitting in my bird bath.

Suddenly, the day was salvaged. Because nothing is funnier than a duck in a birdbath.