I'm nearly forty. I'm on vacation. I should be out somewhere with friends, sitting in a cottage, talking about RRSPs or what I plan to do when I retire. But no--I'm at home, trying to finish The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.
The Shadow Temple is a pain in the ass. I'm at the platform jumping stage, which I like to call the I Hate Myself I Must Do If I Keep Playing This stage. For those who don't know, here you have to navigate Link across several platforms. Which would be easy, if there weren't guillotines dropping down on three of them, some of them are invisible, and when you land on one particular platform, you have to fight this malicious skeleton--who despite having his ass handed to him each and every time, manages to reform and fight you again on your return journey. What is the intelligence of such a creature? Doesn't he know I'm fucking Link?
My heart containers keep getting hammered, courtesy of Beamos and Skaltos and guillotines. I tell myself that a real gamer would get past all of this easily. I must be a fake gamer. I have no gamer cred. I will go back to playing checkers, and maybe find the peace I so vainly seek.
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